


take shelter

by aloneintherain



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Hurt/Comfort, Sibling Love, ray and sissy get to meet the whole brady bunch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26732026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aloneintherain/pseuds/aloneintherain
Summary: AU where the apocalypse doesn’t follow the Hargreeves to the 1960s. Without the threat of nuclear annihilation hanging over their heads, the siblings can take the time to be a family again.Until they find out that the Handler has been blackmailing Five.
Relationships: The Hargreeves Family
Comments: 65
Kudos: 1215
Collections: five whump





	take shelter

**Author's Note:**

> Quickly: this is officially my 100th fic on AO3!! I never thought I'd get to this point tbh. Thank you all for your love and support over the years, I can't tell you how much it means to me. Here's to another 100 💛
> 
> This fic is a “no apocalypse” AU for season 2. Some canon events still happen in the background, but I didn’t write them out because it seemed pointless (and I’m too damn tired). Tbh this fic is just an excuse for me to write family fluff and Five whump, sorry for any mood whiplash. 
> 
> This fic is gen, meaning it focuses on the Hargreeves being family. Background romantic pairings: Vanya/Sissy, Allison/Ray, and brief Diego/Lila. 
> 
> Warnings for violence, blood and the Handler being very creepy towards Five. Plus some very vague references to canon abuse (re: Reginald and Carl) and Five’s food issues.
> 
> Thank you to @unprofessionalamber on tumblr for beta work.

“Hello, Vanya.”

Vanya flinched and almost dropped the basket of legos. She spun around to find Five sitting perched at the breakfast bar, two suitcases and a stack of tupperware containers balanced beside him. Still in that awful uniform.

“Five,” she said. “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I visit my sister and her suspiciously wholesome new partner?”

Vanya narrowed her eyes. “Have you said anything to Sissy? You better not upset her, Five. She’s a good person.”

“Oh, I know.” Five reached into the brown leather suitcase and pulled out a thick file. “Did you know she was on the softball team in high school? That should have been a sign, I suppose, but compulsive heterosexuality is one hell of a drug.”

Vanya stared blankly at him. “What.”

Sissy emerged from the hallway, holding a basket of clean laundry under one arm. “Thanks for waiting, Five. Are you sure I can’t make you a hot chocolate or something? Any family of Vanya’s and all that.”

“That’s alright, Sissy,” Five said politely, like he wasn’t holding a record of Sissy’s life in his hands. “I should be going. I have to check in with the rest of our family. I might be able to catch Allison on her lunch break.”

“She’s not working today,” Vanya said.

Five glanced down at his files. “Are you sure? Her schedule says otherwise.”

“We talked earlier. She said something about a last minute schedule change, so I’m going over there soon to visit.” Vanya paused. “You have Allison’s work schedule?”

Five looked as though he was questioning her intelligence. “Of course I do, Vanya. You should consider leaving soon, you know. Carl is finishing early this evening.” He put his files away and slung the briefcases into his arms, before he stopped. “Are you sure you don’t want something done about that?”

“Something done?” Sissy echoed. “Oh, no. There’s nothing you can really do about Carl. We’re just… we’re gonna wait a bit before we leave. Together.”

Five nodded, totally calm, as if he hadn’t just offered to assassinate Sissy’s husband. “Well, make sure to keep the doors locked and the shutters down when you’re affectionate with one another, in case he surprises you and comes home early one day. And let me know if you change your mind. The offer always stands.”

With that, Five scooped up the stack of tupperware containers and detoured into the living room to stay goodbye to Harlan (those two had their own language, a mutual sense of understanding between them. Vanya always felt so warm whenever she watched them quietly interact). She heard the front door close and then the familiar sound of Five’s jump.

“Your family is so nice,” Sissy said when Five was gone.

Vanya sighed. “That’s one word for them, I guess.”

* * *

“Good morning, sunshine,” Klaus said, teetering back on one chair leg. Allison grabbed at him, but Klaus battered her away without looking. “The Earth says hello!”

Ray sighed and closed the door. “Hello, Klaus.”

“Hi, Ray,” Allison said, sounding apologetic.

Ray hung up his hat and coat, and then rounded the table to kiss Allison. “Hello, baby. Any other siblings floating around?”

Klaus snickered into his glass. “You could say that.”

Ray glanced between them. “What… what does that mean?”

“He just means Ben,” Allison said.

“Ben,” Ray echoed.

Klaus slapped a hand over his mouth. He exchanged wide-eyed glances with a spot of open air to Ray’s right.

Allison winced. “Right. We forgot to tell you about Ben.”

“Another brother?”

“The dead one!” Klaus said, gesturing at the open air.

Ray sat down heavily at the table. He stole Allison’s glass of orange juice, drained it, and then refilled it from the pitcher.

“That’s the face of a man that needs a drink,” Klaus said, sounding far too delighted by Ray’s misery, as usual.

“No alcohol in the house,” Ray reminded him.

“You don’t need to go sober just because of me, you know. I spent three years living in hippie communes. I can be around drugs and booze without falling off the wagon.”

“It’s fine, Klaus,” Allison said. “Let us help.”

Klaus slouched in his seat, still making faces at nothing. When Ray had gathered himself and half the orange juice was gone, he sat back and said, “Okay. Dead brother?”

“Klaus?” Allison said.

“Show time, Benny-boo.” Klaus held out his fists. They glowed blue, a pulsing mass of colour that made Ray’s stomach turn. And then, in the seat next to him, looking all the world like he had been there all day, was a young man in a leather jacket. He wasn’t quite… all there, like a reflection in a polished window.

He looked polite, though. He waved at Ray. “Hi. I’m Ben. Allison’s brother. I’m so sorry about the rest of our siblings.”

“Raymond Chestnut,” he said automatically. “Allison’s husband.”

Ben laughed. “Yeah, uh. I heard.”

“You’ve been here the whole time?”

Ben waved a hand vaguely. “Sort of. I usually follow Klaus. He’s the only person who can see me. I promise I’m not spying or anything though.”

“No, I didn’t think you were.”

Ray kept staring. Ben’s clothes were a little odd, but then, he must have been from the future too. And they were certainly more normal than some of the things he had seen Klaus wearing.

“You’re really dead?”

“Really, really,” Ben said.

If Klaus wasn’t family and didn’t spend so much time calling past their house, Ray would have re-thought their decision not to keep alcohol in the house. He really needed a drink.

He turned to Allison. “How many more secret brothers are you hiding?”

Ben laughed. “Wait until you meet Five.”

Ray glanced between them. They were all smiling. They might look completely different, but they shared mannerisms. A laugh that was just too manic. A nose-scrunch when they were annoyed. And that conspiring smile, like they knew something awful was coming and relished it.

“Who’s Five?” Ray asked, though he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. What would be worse than a ghost?

Allison patted him on the shoulder. “Oh, honey. You’ll find out soon enough.”

* * *

“You know none of us are gonna care, right?”

Luther hunched his shoulders further. It was far too hot to be wearing long sleeves, but he was in a sweater, his jeans only rolled up to the knees. Diego was swimming lazy laps around the pool, but Luther would only dip his feet in.

“Dude,” Diego continued. “It’s just us. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen you all naked when we were kids. Especially Klaus.” Diego shuddered as his brain flipped through the many, many times he had seen Klaus undressed.

“I don’t like it,” Luther said, not meeting Diego’s eyes. “Being shirtless, I mean. I haven’t since…”

“Since Dad turned you into a monkey-man without your consent?”

Luther flinched. “Yeah. That.”

Diego sighed and paddled over to Luther’s side. A flamingo lay deflated by the poolside, from when Klaus and Allison had been fighting over it in the water and popped it. Luther played with the ragged edge of the pool toy.

“What Dad did to you wasn’t cool,” Diego said, “and I get why you’re fucked up over it. But he’s dead. Or well, our version of him is. Fuck him. It’s your body now and you get to decide what to make of it.”

“Easy for you to say,” Luther grumbled.

Diego pulled himself out of the pool by his elbows and shoved Luther, though the force wasn’t enough to move him.

“If you keep mopin, Klaus will throw you in one day.”

That made Luther crack a small smile. “He can try.”

Diego snickered. “God, please toss Klaus in next time you see him. I’ll give you ten bucks.”

“Done.”

The telltale sound of a space jump echoed through the mansion. They turned to find Five in the doorway, glaring down at them, a stack of tupperware containers in hand.

“Where is everyone?” he demanded.

“Hi, Five,” Diego said. “Good to see you. Been a few days.”

Five waved his greeting off. “Come on. Locations.”

“Allison is home,” Luther said. “Klaus went over there earlier. Vanya should be at the Cooper farm. Why? Is everything okay?”

“It will be if everyone stays where they’re supposed to.” Five eyed them. Diego felt suddenly subconscious about his pineapple-patterned trunks. “You two are going to stay here?”

“I’m a wanted man,” Diego said, “so yeah, probably.”

“And I’m not wanted at all,” Luther said, which made Diego slip back into the pool and choke on chlorinated water, laughing. “Are you sure everyone is okay? Carl hasn’t….?”

“I was just there,” Five said, holding up the containers, foggy with steam. He placed them on the ground, near their towels. Diego felt touched by the gesture; Sissy’s food was to die for, and he wouldn’t give it up for anything, not even for his siblings. “Everything is fine. I’m keeping an eye on things.”

Diego and Luther exchanged glances.

“You sure, Five?” Diego asked.

“Yes. Just do what you’re told.” Five pointed at them and said, as if they were dogs, “Stay.” And then he vanished in a swirl of blue.

It was silent. Then Diego said, “Hey, think of it this way, man: at least you’re not stuck in the body of a grouchy little thirteen year old.”

Luther considered that. “You know what? That does make me feel better. Thanks.”

* * *

Lila had her own life beyond the mansion. According to Five’s background check, when she wasn’t locked in an asylum or being mushy with Diego, she worked as a secretary for her mother, the CEO of a successful but private business. They sold life insurance. Or something.

But despite her controlling, patriarch-kicking mother, it wasn’t uncommon to see Lila at the mansion. Klaus didn’t need to ask how she managed to sneak away; he’d lived under Reginald once. He understood.

“So,” Klaus began. “How many shovel-talks have you gotten so far?”

Lila blinked up athim. “Pardon?”

“Shovel-talks,” Klaus said, leaning over the back of the couch. He was in his pyjamas, even though it was mid-afternoon and he slept naked. “How many have you gotten? You don’t look terrified out of your mind, so I’m gonna guess that you haven’t met Five yet.”

“She has, very briefly,” Diego said on the other side of the couch, “but it was very quick. Five was having an off day.”

Klaus considered this. “Do we have to hold another intervention for him?”

“Yes,” said Ben from where he was perched on the coffee table.

“Nah,” Diego said. “It’s probably just insomnia, right? He’d tell us if the world was ending, wouldn’t he? He did last time. Give him space.”

“Another intervention?” Lila asked.

Klaus waved off her concern. “We’re getting side-tracked. Stay with me, sister: how many shovel-talks have you gotten from our rabid siblings?”

“Uh, none? No, wait. I think Allison might have threatened me a little. She was smiling the whole time though, so it was hard to tell.”

“Definitely a shovel-talk,” Klaus decided.

Diego looked touched. “Did she really? Huh.”

Lila glanced at Klaus, leaning away from his manic grin. “Why do you ask? Are you about to give me one?”

Klaus vaulted over the couch, landing between Diego and Lila. Diego groaned and shuffled further further down the couch to give him space.

“Nope,” Klaus said. “Look at me, I’m too cuddly. Terrible at giving threatening speeches. And I’m sure that Five is going to scare the literal, pants-wetting shit out of you once he calms down and gets some sleep.” Klaus threw an arm over the back of the couch, grinning at her. “Plus, I like you. You’re totally out of Diego’s league by the way, but I mean, you already knew that.”

“I did,” she said.

“Hey!”

They ignored Diego. “You know,” Lila said, “I like you too. I don’t have many friends, but you’re interesting.”

“Aw, now I feel bad about doing this,” Klaus said.

Lila eyed him warily. “Doing what?”

“I said I’m not going to give you a shovel-talk, but I’m not the only sibling present right now.” Klaus drew his arm back and brought his fists to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut in concentration. His hands glowed blue.

Ben solidified on the coffee table. Diego leaped up. “Ben!”

Ben laughed and let their brother scoop him into a bone-crushing hug, pressing his face into Diego’s shoulder.

“Lila,” Klaus said, once Diego released Ben, “meet our brother. Ben.”

Ben’s soft smile vanished. He was perched on the edge of the coffee table, hands on his knees, eyes as deep as the chasm hidden in his chest. “Lila. It’s time we talked.”

“Oh,” Lila said shakily, blinking rapidly, trying to come to terms with the ghost glaring her down, “so this is the shovel-talk you were talking about?”

Klaus laughed and leant back to enjoy the show. “Yup! Ben, go ahead.”

* * *

Five stumbled out of his jump and collided with the barn door. He tipped sideways and landed on a bale of hay, sending chickens flying into the air.

He swore and scrambled upright. Hay stuck to his blazer. He’d been wearing the uniform since he’d tumbled into the past, and since then, he’d had to wash his fair share of blood (both his and other people’s) out of it. He didn’t have any other clothes in 1963, and he didn’t want to rifle around his sibling’s closets to try and find something that would fit him and also didn’t make him want to gauge his eyes out.

Besides, he didn’t have time for wardrobe changes. He didn’t have time for much of anything these days.

“You know that kind of language isn’t allowed around Harlan.”

Five straightened. “Sissy. I didn’t see you there.”

Sissy dropped the bucket of eggs, and made her way across the barn. When she reached out to hug him, he stayed still and allowed it, even if the fleeting human contact made him want to run.

“Look at you,” Sissy said, laughing. She plucked hay out of his hair. “Come on then, come inside and clean up. I’m sure I could find something that fits you somewhere in the house.”

Five allowed himself to be led towards the house. “It’s fine. I can change later.”

Can. Not would.

“Are you staying for dinner?” Sissy asked.

There was a tenseness to her when she said that. Ah, it seems like she still hadn’t taken any of the other Hargreeves up on their offer to dispose of Carl.

“I’m not staying long. Just thought I’d pop in again.”

Sissy smiled. “Vanya will like that.”

Harlan and Vanya were inside, sitting side-by-side on the carpet. Vanya looked relaxed. He’d never seen her so at ease. Not even when they were children.

“Hey, Five.” Even Vanya’s smile looked different now. Was it because of the drugs? Or had he just never seen her properly happy? “You weren’t sleeping out in the barn, were you?”

“No,” Five said without admitting that he had been keeping the Cooper barn in mind, in case he got too badly injured and needed somewhere semi-secure to crash. “Unless I’m suddenly not allowed in the house?”

Vanya laughed and got up to find him a towel. Five locked himself in the bathroom. The titles were lemon-yellow, a shade lighter than the paisley wallpaper. He stripped off his uniform. When he dropped it on the floor, he was careful to keep the bloodied edges from staining the tiles.

His knees cracked getting into the shower, like his body matched his age again. His cuts stung under the spray, but the hot water felt amazing on his bruised skin. He poked at the edges of his old wounds: the one of his forearm, where he had dug out a tracker, somewhat healed but still tender-pink, and the line of puckered stickers across his stomach.

The shrapnel wound caused him the most issue. Time traveling (especially with passengers) was a burden on the body. And the Commission had had him running around from the moment his feet hit the pavement in 1963.

No wonder he’d been getting his ass kicked more often than not this week. He might be one of the Commission’s best agents, but there’s only so far thirteen year old stamina can stretch.

He pulled himself out of the shower and redressed quickly, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. He hadn’t come here to pretty up. He had come to check on Vanya and eat before he passed out. Washing was a necessity. There was only so long he could walk around in old blood before one of his siblings said something.

There was only so long he could walk around with the phantom touch of the Handler on his cheek before he lost it.

When he reemerged in the kitchen, Vanya made a face at his clothes.

Five cut her off before she could start in about his uniform again. “It’s fine. Can we eat?”

“So polite,” Vanya said sarcastically, but collected all the ingredients for a sandwich for Five.

Five ate quickly, and then rinsed his plate at the sink. Vanya leant against the counters and watched him, chewing on her lip. He knew what she was thinking, but he didn’t have time to coddle his siblings’ concern.

“Thank you for the meal,” Five said formally, drying his hands with a dish towel. “You’re not going anywhere in the next few days, are you?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Vanya said. “But Five…”

“I’ll best be going now. Take care.”

Vanya stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Five, you know you can talk to us about anything, right? You’re our brother. We want to help you.”

Five shook her off. “I know. I’m fine, Vanya.”

“Five…”

“Give Harlan my best,” he said, and walked out the front door and vanished.

* * *

“You have a mansion,” Allison said, though she didn’t look annoyed. “Why don’t we go there for once?”

Klaus made a face. “No way. It might be a sign of my great wealth and success, but I’m a simple man, Allison. I crave simple things.”

“You did not just call my home simple.”

“You guys are always welcomed at the farm,” Vanya cut in before things could devolve into an argument. “Just… it’s not a good idea to have you all over there a lot.”

Everyone exchanged glances. Diego looked like he was trying to remember how many knives he currently had on his person, and how he could quickly acquire more.

“Vanya,” Klaus said. “Vanny. Just say when. Me and my ghost army will be there, ready to mount Carl’s head on a stick.”

Vanya nodded. “Yeah, I know. We’re just waiting for the right time.”

There was a crash. Allison rose from the table, peering into the kitchen. “Everything okay?”

Luther poked his head into the living room. He was wearing an apron several sizes too small for him, and mustard was streaked across his cheek. “Um. I’m sorry about your mixing bowl, Allison.”

Allison laughed and followed Luther into the kitchen. In the silence, Klaus kicked Vanya’s seat and asked, “So. How’s the Farm Frau?”

Vanya gave them a small smile. “Sissy’s fine. She wishes you guys could come over more often.” To Diego, she said, “She’s still sorry that you, Luther and Five couldn’t stay with us.”

Diego shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Klaus might have bad taste and worse hygiene but his mansion is pretty cool.” He paused. Squinted at the laminated coaster under his coala. “Wait. Five isn’t living at the mansion.”

“He’s not?” Vanya glanced at Klaus.

“I haven’t seen the little guy since… ” Klaus cocked his head, counting the days. “God, I don’t know. Since before Sissy gave us that amazing cheese casserole dish.”

“Is he staying here then?”

Allison returned with Luther and a plate of steaming food.

“What’s happening?” she asked.

“Did you know Five isn’t staying at the mansion?” Vanya said.

Allison put the dish down. Diego handed out the plates and cutlery for everyone. He set a place for Ben at the empty spot beside him. Klaus reached out and silently corrected him, moving the place setting to the end of the table.

“He’s not staying with you and Sissy?” Allison asked.

“No,” Vanya said. “He only pops in to eat or check up on us and then leaves.”

“He does that to us too,” Luther said, glancing at Diego.

Ray returned from the backyard with a platter of barbequed ribs. “Woah, what’s with the faces? Is everything alright?”

“Just worried about our brother,” Allison said.

“The one I haven’t met yet?”

“Yeah. He’s a bit stand-offish, so don’t take it seriously. You’ll see him soon enough.”

“He’s seen you,” Klaus informed Ray. He shook his head fondly. “That paranoid little stalker.”

Ray paused, tongs suspended above the ribs. “Excuse me?”

Allison took the platter from him. She set it down between Diego and Luther, who immediately dug in as if they had been starved.

“It’s okay, babe,” she said. “Can you go grab us some lemonade from the kitchen?”

Ray glanced around the table, eyebrows still drawn, but nodded and retreated back to the kitchen. When he was gone, Allison’s smile dropped off her face.

“What?” Klaus said in response to her glare. “I’m not knocking Five, his stalking is sensible! Vanya dated a serial killer and we had no idea until. You know.”

Allison shook her head and changed the subject. “Okay. Do we need to have an intervention for Five?”

Diego snorted. “Good luck with that one.”

“We could get a net,” Luther said through a mouthful of ribs. “Catch him off guard.”

That made both Klaus and Allison laugh. Luther glanced to the side and caught Vanya’s gaze, and then winced.

“Uh,” he said, putting down his ribs. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to imply… ”

That only made Klaus laugh harder.

Vanya gave him a tight smile. “It’s fine.”

“He would kill us before we could catch him,” Diego said. “But nice try, bro.”

Klaus hiccuped a laugh, before calming himself. “Okay. Ben says we need to wait for Five to come to us, then try and connect emotionally with him. Which is very easy for him to say, considering he doesn’t have a flesh body for Five to poke his sharp little elbows into. Are we sure that kid’s getting enough to eat?”

“No,” Allison said. “Which is why we’re talking about an intervention.”

“Right, right.” Klaus stole a sausage off Diego’s plate with his fingers, and started eating it like a banana. “Hey, do you think we could convince Sissy to hold the intervention? From what I’ve heard, she loves Five.”

“She’s got a big heart,” Vanya said with a distinctly infatuated look. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for her to be around when Five is getting defensive, though.”

Ray returned from the kitchen with a pitcher of lemonade. He made a face when the table went silent at his reappearance.

“Don’t worry, we’re not talking about you, man,” Diego told him. “Trust me. Anything we wanted to say to you, we’d say it to your face, no matter how rough.”

Ray laughed. “You know what? I appreciate the honesty.”

The dinner passed smoothly—or at least as smoothly as any meal could go in their family.

After they’d eaten, Ray went into the backyard to clean up the barbeque. Vanya offered to help.

As the rest of the siblings were cleaning up, there was a sudden crash, and then there was Five, sprawled face-down on the carpet, the coffee table cracked beside him.

Five rolled onto his back and squinted up at the ceiling. “Fuck.”

“Jesus, Five, is that blood?” Allison demanded.

She crouched by his side. His blazer flapped open, and she could see blood soaking through his vest. When she tried to reach for him, he batted her hands away.

“What are you all doing here?” he said.

“I live here.”

He gave her a baleful stare. “Yes, but tonight is supposed to be a family dinner at Klaus’s mansion.”

“It was going to be,” Klaus said. His voice was oddly soft, like he was scared of startling Five. He knelt beside Allison, watching Five carefully. “But then Luther destroyed the oven, so we came here instead.”

“That’s why?” Allison said.

“Sorry,” Luther said.

Klaus reached for Five. Five scooted backwards, bumping into the coffee table.

Klaus raised his hands. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s just us.”

Diego joined them. He looked ready to pick Five up by the scruff of his next and forcibly check him over for injuries. Five seemed to sense this and scrambled to his feet. He stumbled, dizzy, catching himself on an armchair.

“Five,” Diego began.

“Go back to your dinner,” Five said, a distinct slur to his words. “I’ll be fine. I have more work to do.”

“Work?” Luther said. “What kind of work?”

“You’re cutting us out again,” Allison realised.

Five barred his teeth. “Yes. Obviously. It’s more efficient that way.”

“What kind of work?” Diego said. “Are you still working on getting us to 2019, is that it?”

“No. Yes. It’s… ” Five pressed a hand to his forehead. His eyes were unfocussed, the pallor of his skin grey, and for a worrying moment, he looked as though he was going to throw up. “It’s fine. I have everything under control.”

“Hate to break it to you, buddy,” Klaus said, still in that low, soothing voice, “but crashing through Allison’s coffee table while drenched in blood doesn’t really scream, ‘I got this.’”

“We should get him to a hospital or something,” Luther said. “We don’t have Mum here to patch him up.”

“No,” Five snapped. “Absolutely not.”

The back door closed with a thud, and then Ray and Vanya were there, behind the rest of the Hargreeves.

“What are you all—?” Ray began, then stopped, gawking at Five.

Vanya shoved past Luther and reached for her injured brother. “Five!”

“It’s fine.” Five shoved away her reaching hands. He stumbled for the door and almost tripped. Diego and Allison grabbed one arm each, helping to steady him. The fact that he didn’t push them away was as worrying as the destroyed coffee table.

“This,” Vanya said, gesturing at Five’s bloodied uniform, “doesn’t look fine, Five.”

Klaus threw his hands into the air. “That’s what I said!”

“It’s the Hargreeves version of fine,” Five said.

Klaus lowered his hands. “Shit, he has us there.”

“That,” Ray cut in loudly, “is a child. A beaten up child.” He turned to Allison, wide-eyed. “Babe.”

“Ray,” Allison said, calm in the face of her husband’s horror, “meet Five. My final brother.”

Five smiled his evil gremlin smile and saluted Ray. “Hiya.”

Ray stared.

Luther sighed. “Allison, where are the towels? I don’t want to stain your couch.”

Allison reluctantly let go of Five, only moving away when Vanya rushed to take her place by his side, no matter how dark Five’s glare was. Allison and Luther disappeared into the hallway.

“Do you have a first aid kit?” Diego asked Ray.

Ray looked from Five, to Diego, and back again. “I don’t think a first aid kit is going to cover this.”

“No hospitals,” Five repeated. “I didn’t mean to run into you all. I can handle this by myself. I just need to shower and drink some water and then I can keep going.”

“No,” Diego and Vanya said together.

“Oh, you’re right,” Klaus said to open air. He turned to Five with frighteningly clear eyes. “This very easily could’ve happened before. You track where we are half the time, don’t you, Five? Have you popped into an empty house to stitch yourself back together before?”

“Ben,” Five admonished.

“Nuh-uh,” Klaus said, wagging a finger. “Don’t you go yelling at him. Answer the question.”

Five stayed mulishly silent. Before Diego could try and physically shake the answers out of him, Allison and Luther returned with armfuls of towels.

“Okay,” Allison said, determined. “On the couch.”

Five stared flatly at her. “No.”

Klaus laughed. “It’s going to happen whether you like it or not, buddy.”

“No.”

* * *

Five glared up at the ceiling. Vanya dabbed at his face with a cotton ball soaked in disinfectant. She had been immune to his scowls since they were children.

Five wasn’t tall enough to extend the full length of the couch. His socked feet were balanced on Allison’s thigh as she frowned at his injured leg.

“Five,” Allison said, “did you roll your ankle or something?”

“Pulled something,” he dismissed. “It’ll heal.”

“Oh man, Ben really wants me to manifest him right now,” Klaus said from the armchair, where he was drinking lemonade straight from the pitcher.

“We can handle this,” Vanya said to open air. “Don’t worry, Ben.”

“No, no. He doesn’t think you guys aren’t capable medics. He just really wants to give Five a piece of his mind.”

“Oh, believe me,” Diego said darkly. “We can do that just fine ourselves.”

Five glowered at a water-mark on the ceiling. Surprisingly, he laid still and let his siblings fix him up with little complaint.

* * *

“Okay,” Ray said, massaging his temples, “let me get this straight: that kid in there is actually fifty-eight years old. When you were all thirteen, he time-travelled to the future and stranded himself in the apocalypse where he spent forty years by himself.”

“I think it was forty years. I could be wrong.” Luther was elbows-deep in suds. China clinked together as he scrubbed the dishes clean. “Last week was kind of a blur, and I mean, who’s to say he was even keeping track? Not like there were calendars in the apocalypse.” He pulled a pot out of the water, spilling soapy water over the lip of the sink and onto his shoes. He huffed, reaching for a dish-cloth. “Anyway. Yeah. That’s about right.”

Ray shook his head. He watched blankly as Luther mopped up the spill. “So then,” he continued, “he was recruited by some interdimensional organisation that cleans up the timeline? Using murder? Wait. If there are people that guard the time-stream, then how did you all manage to get here in the 1960s? Shouldn’t that go against everything they stand for?”

Luther shrugged. “I don’t know. Never really talked to them. Too busy trying to stop them from killing us.”

“Killing you,” Ray echoed.

Luther frowned, glancing at Ray. “We did explain that we were superheroes, didn’t we?”

Ray waved a hand. “Yeah, I’ve been over the whole child soldiers thing with Allison and Vanya.” Luther frowned even more, but didn’t argue the point. “So after Five became a time-assassin, he jumped back to 2019, botched it and ended up as a thirteen year old, failed to stop the apocalypse, and then stranded you all in the 1960s?”

“Yeah, that’s about it. You’re actually taking this in very quickly. It took me the full week to really get what was happening.”

Ray shook his head, staring vacantly out the window over the sink and into the cramped background. It was a normal day outside. Over the fence, he could see a neighbour mowing their lawn. They had no idea what was unfolding inside the Chestnut residence.

“No,” Ray said, “I still feel very lost.” He paused. The only sound in the kitchen was the splash of soapy water and the low murmur of voices from the living room, Five’s dark words occasionally undercutting through the chatter. “Are you sure he’s not actually a kid?”

Luther shrugged. “He insists he’s a grown man.”

Ray squeezed his eyes shut. “I need some lemonade.”

* * *

After Five was patched up, Vanya returned to the farm. Everyone else agreed to sleep at the Chestnut house for the evening—or, well, Diego and Allison insisted, Luther nodded along seriously, and Klaus laughed in the face of Five’s scowl.

“My power is literally spatial manipulation,” Five said. “You understand that, right? I can teleport out of here whenever I want.”

Diego pointed a pillow at him. “Try it and watch what happens.”

“Ooh, dad voice,” Klaus said. “Who knew Diego had a dad voice?”

“I do not have a Dad voice!”

“Daddy voice.”

Diego hurled the pillow at Klaus, who rolled away from Diego’s follow up attack—more pillows, aimed directly at the face—while laughing so hard he could barely stand upright.

Five turned his baleful stare towards Allison. “You’re going to leave me here with these imbeciles?”

Allison smiled. “That’s what you get for hiding injuries from your concerned family.”

Luther dragged the pull-out from the guest room into the living room, and he and Diego had a standoff over who was going to sleep in it, which only ended when Klaus came back from the bathroom, skin pink and hair wet around his shoulders, and jumped onto the pull-out, sprawling out like a starfish.

Diego claimed the armchair. Luther bundled up the remaining blankets and made himself comfortable on the floor. Five insisted he didn’t need to sleep on the couch. They all ignored him.

* * *

The next morning, the smell of breakfast wafted through the house just as the sun had fully crested the horizon.

Ray stumbled down the stairs, undone tie slung around his neck, sniffing appreciatively. “That smells amazing, baby. Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”

“You could stand to say it more,” Allison said, laughing.

In the living room, Luther sat up, eyes still closed. The blankets pooled in his lap. He looked like a hulking zombie, roused from the dead. Ray jerked back in surprise. “S’there food?”

Diego squinted from the armchair and immediately registered the sound of sizzling eggs. “Allison, is that you?”

“It might be!”

“You’re my favourite sibling.”

Luther turned to him. “Dude.”

“You can be my favourite when you learn how to cook.”

“Can someone wake Five?” Allison called. “I don’t think he’s been eating regularly and I’m going to make him eat a full meal whether he likes it or not.”

“I can—” Ray began.

“No,” Diego, Luther and Allison said together.

Ray blinked at them, already halfway towards the sleeping teenager. “Um.”

Diego ushered Ray to the side. Luther slowly approached the mound of blankets on the couch, where a fluffy head of hair poked out the end. “Let him do it,” Diego said.

Luther poked Five’s socked foot. “Five?” Nothing happened. He poked him again. “Five, wake up.”

Five still didn’t move.

Luther took a deep breath and shook Five’s shoulder.

Five lunged upright like a springtrap and punched Luther in the throat. Luther choked and went down hard, gasping for air.

Five blinked blearily at them. He looked even younger than thirteen with his bedhead and crumpled button down, his tie and blazer folded neatly on the coffee table.

“Good morning,” Five said pleasantly. Luther’s next inhale was a rattle. Five surveyed him blandly. “You know better.”

“How the hell are we supposed to wake you up?” Diego asked. “You can normally wake people in our family up by throwing something at them, but you teleport and smack the shit out of us.”

Ray shook his head, and went into the kitchen to properly greet his wife. It was too early for any of this.

They ate breakfast at the table. Ray had never thought of it as small before, but then, he hadn’t realised until a few weeks ago that his wife had any siblings, let alone six superpowered ones from the future. Any table would feel cramped with this many in-laws.

“Come on,” Diego said, elbowing Five. “Eat up.”

Five brandished his butter knife like a weapon. “Mind your business.”

“You’re my business,” Diego told him. “And you need to eat more than half an egg.” Five lifted his coffee, his second of that morning. “That doesn’t count.”

“Give in to his mothering,” said Klaus through his full mouth. “It’s the only way to get him to stop.”

“I don’t mother. And stop chewing with your mouth closed.”

Klaus pointed his fork at Diego. “See? You just did it again. Even Ben agrees with me.”

“Stop using Ben to win every argument.”

Klaus shook his head. “You’re the only bitch in this house I respect,” he told the empty seat by his side, where Ben presumably sat. Five scoffed and drained half his mug.

“Should he be drinking so much caffeine?” Ray asked Allison.

Allison shrugged. “You try and stop him.”

Ray eyed Five, who was just a pair of dark eyes and puffy bed-head above the rim of his mug. “Yeah. No, thanks.”

Five put his mug down. “Good to see someone in this family has survival instincts. You and Sissy will do us some good.”

“Um,” Ray said. “Thank you?”

Breakfast took twice as long as usual. Ray was used to how much his wife could put away at meals—because of her supernaturally enhanced metabolism, he realised now—but Luther was even worse. Five, on the other hand, ate like every forkful is a battle. Like just the sight of the food spread on the table was difficult for him.

The siblings encouraged Five to eat everything on his plate. Five glared and sniped back at them, but Ray noticed that he didn’t push his plate away and storm off like a regular teenager might. He didn’t put his fork down. He ate slowly, bit by bit, until his plate was clean.

Then he stared at the leftovers, expression unreadable.

“Would you like some more?” Allison asked. Five swallowed hard. “I made way too much. I’ll probably just throw it out.”

Five’s expression shuttered, like a cloud passing over the sun. He reached for the platter of eggs, though he didn’t look hungry. If anything, he looked sick.

Diego lurched upright, reaching for the bacon. “Actually, Allison, I am hungry. You’re hungry too, aren’t you, Luther?”

“No?” Luther said. Diego elbowed him. “Hey!”

“We’re all still hungry,” Diego said through his teeth. “No point wasting food if we’re hungry.”

“Oh!” Allison looked back and forth between Diego and Five, eyes wide, before reaching for the platter of eggs. “Yeah, I could eat. Pass that here, Five.”

Five stayed stiff and silent, as if waiting for a blow, as his siblings dealt out the rest of the food. Ray ended up with an extra egg. He was full, but there was something about Allison’s intense gaze as she was spooning out the fried eggs that stopped him from complaining.

When some more of food had been cleared, Allison piled the rest of the leftovers into a tupperware container. She even made sure to get the little bacon bits stuck to the tray, using a fork to pry them up.

“If you ever need more,” Allison told Five, handing over the container, “just swing by. Even if we’re not in.”

“You should come by more often,” Diego said sternly. “Especially if you’re hurt. Seriously, dude. Don’t pull that shit again.”

“I promise not to bleed out on you again.”

“Don’t bleed out anywhere else. In fact,” Diego said, “do us a favour, and don’t bleed out at all.”

“Listen to your mother,” Klaus told Five.

Five sighed and stood, tupperware under his arm. He made his way back to the couch to collect his blazer. “How many times do I have to remind you that I’m not a child. I don’t need you checking up on me.”

“After last night, you kind of proved that we do need to check up on you,” Allison pointed out.

“You’re our brother,” Diego said.

“Yeah,” Luther said, fidgeting. Ray had no idea how someone so large could look so sheepish. “We miss you.”

Five’s shoulders slackened. Ray struggled to look at him and see anything other than a kid, even after what he had learnt last night.

“Okay,” Five said. “I’ll come by more often.”

“Promise?”

“Fine. I promise.”

* * *

Five slipped into the hotel room. The floral wallpaper stained with cigarette smoke, the brass doorknobs, the Handler sprawled out on the sofa, skirt shucked up to reveal the long expanse of her leg—it all made him feel like he was being sucked back into his old job. His old life.

When he dropped into his childhood home two weeks ago, he thought he was done with this all. That he’d left everything behind him. He should’ve known better; of course she’d find a way to drag him back.

But not for good, he swore. Just for now. Just until she had gotten what she wanted and then he could take his family home.

“Five,” she crooned, head tilted back, curls tucked behind one ear. “You didn’t knock.”

“I never knock.”

“You can’t just walk in on a girl like that.” She stretched out her bare legs, grinning. “One of these days you might see something.”

Five rolled his eyes. “Do you actually want something from me or can I go?”

She pouted and sat upright. She slid a manila folder across the coffee table, and he picked it up and flicked through it.

The Handler watched him as he read. She always did that. At first, when he was still raw from fourty years of isolation, it had made him feel too-hot and prickly. Feverish. He had learned to ignore her.

(Liar, Dolores whispered from the back of his mind.)

“I see you decided to play family again today.”

Five tipped his head up, jaw set. “And?”

The Handler stood up, kicking her heels off. “Well, we have to make sure your skills stay sharp, don’t we? You’re our best asset, Five. You can’t be lazing around and getting soft.”

She knew that wasn’t what his family visits were about. There was no point arguing with her though. Five knew that from experience.

“Big things will be happening very soon,” she said, creeping closer. “Very soon. We’re so close, Five.” Her hands clamped down on his shoulder, hard, before loosening.

“And?” Five said, because it was never that easy. There was always a catch.

“Oh, you just need to get rid of a few pesky board members. Some other higher-up entities. Nothing you can’t handle. It’ll barely take you any time at all.”

She stepped back and took out her earrings. There was a feral glint to her eyes today, something especially manic.

She loved sparring with him, even though neither of them needed the practice. They weren’t even sparring matches, really. Just fights. Quick and dirty and designed to bruise him up. She loved having power over him—mentally, emotionally, physically. She always had.

As a fighter, Five was quicker and more creative. If he really tried, he might have beaten her. But he couldn’t try. Not really. That was the point of these matches: to remind him that his hands were tied and she held the rope.

But it was fine. It was fine. For his family, Five would do anything.

* * *

“Lila, sugar-plum!” Klaus called, sunglasses slipping down his nose. “How are you on this fine Tuesday evening?”

“Is it Tuesday?” Diego wondered.

“Fuck if I know.”

“Hey, Klaus,” Lila said, jumping onto the table beside Diego. He smiled goofily up at her. “What are you guys up to? Where’s Luther?”

“Luther’s doing the grocery shopping. We’re brainstorming what to make for the family barbecue this weekend,” Diego said. “None of us are great cooks, but we promised Allison we would try our best.”

“Family barbecue?” she asked.

“Yeah, everyone’s coming over for a big family picnic. Sissy’s idea. We can’t deny her anything.” Diego rubbed the back of his neck. “Um. You’re invited. If you want to come, that is.”

Lila laughed and scrubbed a rough hand through his hair. “Maybe. We’ll see.”

“How’s your cooking skills?” Klaus asked hopefully. “You weren’t secretly a culinary chef in a past life, were you?”

“Nope,” Lila said. “I can’t cook for shit. But I can make a mean drink. Virgin, I promise. You guys want one?” When they agreed, she disappeared into the kitchen for a few minutes and then returned with three drinks balanced on a tray.

“You’re my new favourite,” Klaus told her, accepting the drink. He took a deep sip and smacked his lips together. “Hm, nice. Not as nice as Ray’s lemonade, you understand. He’s a citrus genius. But this isn’t bad.”

“What do you think, Diego?” Lila asked. “As good as Ray’s?”

Diego sipped at the drink, then laughed. “Ray has you beat.”

Lila laughed and took a small sip, rolling the drink around in her mouth. She watched them as they drank.

Diego blinked rapidly. “Uh. Wait.”

“Oh,” Klaus said, staring down at his hands. “Oh, I don’t feel right.”

“Lila,” Diego choked, and then slid sideways out of his seat and onto the floor.

Lila spit her drink out, wiping her mouth. Klaus tried to stand, clawing at the table to stay steady, his hands flickering faintly blue.

“Don’t fight it, buddy,” Lila said.

“Fuck you,” Klaus said, and then collapsed next to Diego.

* * *

Klaus woke to a splitting headache. He groaned and clutched his head. “Ohhh, I thought hang-overs were behind me. This isn’t fair.”

He was in an unfamiliar office, propped up on an ornate chair. Diego was slumped next to him, unconscious. On his other side was Lila, unbothered and unharmed, in an intense stare-off with the white-haired woman sat behind the mahogany desk.

Ben was leaning against the desk, arms crossed. “I knew Lila was up to no good.”

Klaus flopped a hand at him. “No, you didn’t. You were glad that Diego was getting over you-know-who.”

“Who?” Lila asked, blinking at him innocently.

“Bite me,” Klaus told her.

“I gave her the shovel talk,” Ben went on. “She knew not to mess with Diego.”

“Are you going to tentacle her in the murder way or the hentai way?” Ben didn’t even turn to scowl at Klaus, his eyes fixed on Lila. That was how Klaus knew he was properly pissed off. One simply did not fuck up after being given the shovel talk. Not if they wanted to keep living.

Diego came to with a groan. He struggled upright, squinting at the office and the white-haired woman staring disapprovingly at them from behind the mahogany desk.

“Where the fuck,” he began.

“Diego,” Lila said. “Klaus. Meet my mother. Mother, this is Diego and Klaus, my boyfriend and future brother-in-law.”

“To be clear,” said Lila’s mother, glancing between Diego and Klaus with raised eyebrows, “the boyfriend is…?” Lila pointed at Diego. “Hm. Okay.”

“Klaus is not my type,” Lila said, nose wrinkled.

Klaus gasped. “I’m everyone’s type.”

Diego gave him a pitying look. “Dude. No.”

Lila’s mother took them in for a long minute, then sighed and said, “Lila. Really?”

“You said I could hire my own team.”

“Yes, but I didn’t mean them, for God’s sake. If you don’t see the problem with hiring you-know-who’s brothers, then you’re not ready for that badge.”

Klaus leaned past Lila and mouthed, You-know-who? Diego shrugged back.

“I can’t do this job if you don’t trust my instincts,” Lila said.

Lila’s mother leaned back in her chair, sighing. “Sweetheart, your vagina needs glasses. He is not worth it.”

“Mum! Oh my god.”

Ben choked on a laugh. “If I wasn’t getting evil megalomaniac vibes from this lady, I’d almost like her.”

“This may shock you,” Lila went on, “but not everyone here likes you. You need fresh blood loyal to us, and not the old regime. I’ve seen these two in the field. They’re way better trained than most of the assholes here.” Lila smiled winningly. “They’ll be my personal responsibility.”

“Um.” Klaus raised his hand. “Do we get a say in this?”

“No,” Lila said.

Klaus lowered his hand. “Okay. Great. Good to know.”

Lila’s mother opened up a cigarette case, plucking a smoke between her manicured fingers. “You know, your brother Five and I have quite a… colourful history.” She winked. Klaus and Ben exchanged horrified glances.

“Our brother has beef with everyone,” Diego said.

“Yeah, he’s like that little Chucky doll from the movie Chucky,” Klaus said. “Tiny, adorable. Ready to knife someone if they look at him wrong.”

The Handler and Lila went back and forth for a few minutes, before the Handler finally relented. “Fine. Run them through orientation, fill out their starting paperwork.”

“Again,” Klaus said, “do we get a say in this? No? Okay. Fuck.”

* * *

They snuck out of the orientation room easily.

Diego peered around the corridors, knife in hand, looking like the escaped lunatic that he was. Klaus followed lazily after him.

“Are we sure this is the murder-happy bureo that hired Five?” Klaus asked Ben. “And not, like, some mundane off-shoot that handles paperwork and taxes and shit like that?”

“The Handler told Lila to kill you if you caused trouble,” Ben pointed out.

Klaus considered this. “We’re going to get killed, aren’t we?”

Ben shrugged. “Already been there, done that.”

“And you didn’t even get a t-shirt.”

“We won’t get killed,” Diego loudly whispered from up ahead, “if you keep it down.”

They made their way through the mostly empty wing of the building. It seemed like any other out-dated office building.

But the further they went, the more unnerved Klaus was by the lack of ghosts. It was almost as if the dead knew better than to come here.

“Klaus,” Ben said, jarring him out of his thoughts.

Klaus looked up. “What?”

Ben pointed over his shoulder. Klaus turned. There, standing at the end of the hallway and looking angry enough to punt them into the nineteenth century, was Five.

“Ah, Diego?” Klaus said. “Incoming.”

Five jumped, stumbling slightly as he landed beside them. He wasn’t standing right, Klaus realised. Something was wrong with his leg, hidden beneath the disturbingly cute socks.

Five latched onto Klaus’s shirt and tugged him down to his level. “What are you doing here?” He looked them both over, almost frantic. “Are you hurt?”

“We work here,” Diego said.

“What?”

Klaus pointed to the badge pinned to his shirt pocket. “Yeah, we have IDs and everything!”

Five let go of him. He swayed back, the pallor of his skin turning a sickly grey. This was the most off-kitler he had seen Five, and Klaus had seen him bleeding out before.

Five visibly shook himself. “No. You’ve been tricked. You must have only just joined them, right?” He looked between them, and for a moment, he almost looked scared. “Right?”

“He’s scared that you tricked him,” Ben observed. “If you’d been working for the Commission all this time… ”

“Just finished orientation.” Klaus smiled and hoped it looked natural. “Well, we didn’t really finish it, I guess. Slipped out before it even really started. What a snooze.”

Five sagged. With all the energy drained out of him, shoulders hunched, Klaus could see how tired he looked. Was it insomnia or was he breaking their promise and running himself ragged again?

“We’re trying to gather more info,” Diego said. “We can stop the Kennedy assassination. Where’s the infinite switchboard?”

Five scoffed. “There’s no way you’d be able to work the infinite switchboard.” He strode to the corner, peering around. “I can get you out of here if you just—”

“Are you limping?” Diego asked.

“He’s definitely limping,” Klaus said.

Five scowled at them. “I’m not limping.”

“Uh,” Klaus said, “yeah, you are. We grew up with Dad too, dude. We spent our childhoods watching each other hide injuries.”

Five scowled and crossed his arms as if that would hide how unevenly his weight was distributed. “We don’t have time for this. You have to get out of here.”

“I’m not leaving without looking at the infinite switchboard,” Diego said.

“The one you won’t even be able to use?”

“I’ll figure it out.”

Five turned his glare on Klaus next.

“Hey,” Klaus said, raising his hands, “I’m just along for the ride. And because Lila kidnapped me. Is it wrong that I still kind of like her?”

“Lila?” Five turned to Diego. “That Lila?”

Diego shrugged. “Apparently her mum runs this place.”

Five scrubbed a hand through his hair. With his hair spiked up like that, he looked like a very large and erratic parrot. “I vetted her. She came up clean. But if she’s the Handler’s daughter, then they knew I would go digging and—” He turned on his heel, vibrating with anger. “Fuck. She’s always one step ahead of me.”

“What do you mean you vetted Lila?” Diego said.

“You said it was a good idea when he was running background checks on Ray and Sissy,” Klaus told Diego.

“Yeah, because I was worried about our sisters. I can handle myself.”

“Sexist,” Klaus accused.

“Hey, Vanya’s last partner was a serial killer. I have a right to be concerned.”

“And your partner kidnapped you and dropped into one of the most dangerous places in existence,” Five said. “Congratulations, Diego. You really know how to pick ‘em.”

“At least Lila’s not a mannequin,” Ben muttered, which made Klaus slap a hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter. Diego glared, thinking Klaus was laughing at him.

The clack of heels on hardwood echoed down the corridor. Five stiffened.

“You need to go,” he hissed, glancing over his shoulder.

“I’m finding the switchboard,” Diego said stubbornly.

“Fine! Fine. Take a right, go up the next flight of stairs you see, and then it should be at the end of the corridor.” Five shoved them down the hallway. “Go.”

Diego took off without having to be told again. Klaus followed after him, but paused just before they round the corner.

“And what are you doing here, Five?”

Five glared back at him, jaw set. “What I need to do,” he said, and then he turned on his heel and walked quickly back the way he came, just barely hiding how badly he was limping.

* * *

After they found the infinite switchboard, threatened and then befriended Herb, and ended up accidentally joining The Resistance, they stumbled back the way they came.

“Okay, this place,” Diego said, grinning, “kind of rules.”

He swaggered down the hallway, still smirking like a total idiot, like they were fourteen again and he’d talked to a cute girl that wasn’t their sisters or Mum for the first time.

“Do I need to be the voice of reason here?” Klaus said. “Is this what happens when I’m sober? This place is full of time-travelling assassins, Diego. The ones that kept trying to murder us. Remember them?”

“We can take ‘em. We’re the resistance, baby!”

“This place kept Five from us,” Ben said.

Klaus turned on his heel. Ben’s gaze was distant, like he was listening to something Klaus couldn’t see. It wasn’t a ghost thing; it was a Ben thing.

“Actually,” Klaus said, “where is our tiniest brother? Last we saw him he was limping.”

The smile dropped off Diego’s face. “Shit. Five.”

“Why do I have the living brain cell today?” Klaus asked Ben.

“I’m sure someone will take it from you soon,” Ben assured him.

They dashed down the hallway, towards where they had last seen Five. There was no sight of him, and they had no idea where he had gone. Diego scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

Some of the doors were left ajar. Ben peered into one, and then loudly said, “Klaus.”

Klaus tiptoed over, Diego following closely behind.

It was the Handler’s office, he realised. Where they had woken up after Lila kidnapped them.

The Handler was there, not a hair out of place, in knife-point stilettos and an outfit Klaus would die for. Five was there too. He scowled up at the Handler, hands drawn into fists. The Handler smiled back at their littlest brother, clearly enjoying herself.

“I don’t like this,” Ben said.

“Join the club,” Klaus mumbled under his breath.

Neither Five nor the Handler heard him, too caught up in each other. The Handler took half a step forward. She was already in his personal space, but now she was crowding him against the desk, looming over him in her heels. Five stiffened. The Handler reached up and cupped his jaw with one hand. Her other hand trailed down his throat, past his navel, and splayed out over his chest.

Five didn’t jump out of arm's reach. He didn’t bat her hands away. He just stood there, every muscle tensed up. Enduring it. It made Klaus feel physically sick.

Diego shoved past Klaus. “Hey, get the fuck away from our brother.”

They turned. The Handler still looked faintly amused. Five went white.

“Diego,” Five hissed, “get out of here.”

“Now, now,” said the Handler, drawing up to her full height. In her stilettos, she towered over Five, and it made Klaus’s heart clench painfully. “You two are important to Five. That makes you boys basically family.” She placed a manicured finger on Five’s cheek and traced the soft curve of his jaw. Her nail left behind a faint white line. “I’ve always wanted to meet your family, Five.”

“You said you wouldn’t involve them.”

“I didn’t,” she said.

Five looked like he was thinking about biting off the Handler’s finger. Klaus silently hoped he would.

“Lila, on the other hand,” she went on, “couldn’t control herself. I have no idea what she sees in your brother, but there you have it.”

“Five,” Klaus hissed, “get over here.”

Five ignored him. “You promised me they wouldn’t get hurt.”

“Are they hurt?”

“I know you’re planning something.”

The Handler sighed. “Oh, darling. You still have such trouble trusting people. It’s like I plucked you out of the apocalypse yesterday.” She leaned back against her desk and grabbed a decanter and glass. She eyed Five, pouring herself a finger of scotch. “Those were the days. Though you didn’t have those tight little shorts then.”

Diego took a step forward. Klaus grabbed him by the back of the shirt. Something about this woman made him sure that Diego would get emboweled if he got too close.

“She’s toying with him,” Ben said.

“Yeah, no shit,” Klaus muttered back.

“This seems routine for them, Klaus. How long do you think she’s known him? Has this been going on the entire time?”

Klaus didn’t want to think about that. He wanted to grab Five by the back of that dumb little blazer and hightail it out of here, The Resistance be damned.

“Five,” Klaus whispered loudly, “get away from the creepy lady before she starts trying to entice you with candy.”

The Handler laughed, tipping her head back. “Would you like that, Five? I think I have some buttermints in my desk.”

“Five,” Klaus said again.

The Handler ran her fingers through Five’s fringe, the way Grace used to smooth down their hair when they were upset. Five’s expression shuttered, his eyes going far away. He didn’t look like he was being touched kindly. That face—it was the same one he wore when they were eleven years old and Reginald was teaching them how to hold-up under interrogation.

Diego shoved Klaus off. He stalked across the office and pushed the Handler back, putting himself between her and Five.

“Look, I know you’re Lila’s mother,” Diego said through his teeth, “but you can’t kidnap me and my brother, and then harass my other brother. I don’t care what you do to me, but stay the fuck away from my family.”

The Handler laughed, clapping her hands together. “Oh, god. The family resemblance, it’s uncanny.”

Five shoved Diego back. “I told you two to get out of here. This doesn’t concern you.”

“You’re my brother, of course it concerns me—”

“Okay,” the Handler said, suddenly sounding tired instead of amused. “Okay. I guess we were going to end up here soon enough.”

Five went rigid. He turned to the Handler as if she was holding a live grenade. “You promised. We had a deal.”

“We did,” she agreed. “But you said your family wouldn’t be an obstacle. And yet here are two of your brothers in my office. And look, one of them is threatening me.” She sniffed, rubbing her arm where Diego had pushed her. “I have to defend myself somehow.”

Five’s inhale was a rattle, sucked in through his teeth. He was so pale that Klaus was almost scared he was suffering from blood loss again.

“Although maybe we could come to some agreement,” she went on, eyeing Diego and Klaus with consideration. “Your brothers are part of the Commission now. Why don’t we bring them into our deal?”

“Like Hell,” Five spat.

“If they’re anything like you, I’m sure they’ll be a boon to the Commission.”

“I won’t,” Five said, low and dangerous and like he was barely holding himself together, “let you ruin my brothers like you ruined me.”

Five lunged for the briefcase propped up against the door. He shoved Diego towards the door, caught Klaus by the sleeve, and took off down the corridor, his brothers sprinting behind them. The Handler called out for them, but they didn’t stop until they were out of the building.

Five grabbed Diego and Klaus. “Got Ben?”

Ben fumbled for Klaus’s elbow. Klaus said, “Got him!”

And then Five clicked the briefcase open and they were blinded by blue light.

* * *

Diego hated time travel. It made him feel like a toy boat tossed about by ocean waves. Like the deep waters of the universe would drag him under at any moment.

They stumbled onto the hard asphalt. Diego pushed onto his elbows, wincing at the sting of his skinned palms. They were in that damn alleyway again. Both his brothers had made it this time, though neither of them looked well. Klaus was sprawled out on his back, eyes squeezed shut. Five was bent over the suitcase, breathing hard.

“Five?” Diego asked, reaching for Five’s shoulder. “You good?”

Five shook him off. “I’m fine,” he snapped. “Don’t touch me.”

“Are you sure?” Klaus asked. “Because you look like you’re about to have a panic attack. I know what those are like, man. They’re not fun.” Klaus wet his lips, glancing at thin air, where Ben must be coaching him through this. “That woman back there, the Handler, did she… was she ever—”

“She was going to get us home!”

“I don’t know what her deal was,” Diego cut in, “but she gave off bad vibes.”

“Yeah. Not allowed within two-thousand feet of a school and kept on a public registry kind of vibes.” Klaus paused. He pushed onto his feet, looking disheveled but oddly serious. “Are you okay, Five?”

“God.” Five laughed, a sharp and awful noise. “What is the use of either of you? You fucked everything up. This is why I never ask for help.”

Klaus took a step back. “Okaaay. A simple ‘no’ would have worked too.”

Klaus stumbled to the other end of the alleyway, towards Elliot’s apartment, mumbling under his breath to Ben.

Five was still curled around the briefcase. He needed space right now. Diego understood. After a lifetime of knuckling through pain, receiving support wasn’t easy for any of them.

He stalked to the mouth of the alleyway. They should find a payphone, but then, did any of them even have cash on them?

Klaus started wandering back towards them, still jabbering to Ben. Five was no longer breathing heavily. He was barely breathing at all, and that was a different kind of panic attack in it’s own way, wasn’t it?

Beneath the sounds of traffic was a faint rattle, like an overheating engine. Diego glanced around. It wasn’t coming from any of the cars nearby.

He turned. Five was blinking hard, coming down from the panic attack he’d insisted he wasn’t having. The suitcase was shaking in his arms.

Five seemed to realise at the same time as Diego what was happening. Diego was out on the street, and Five and Klaus were towards the middle of the alleyway, too far away from Diego to grab.

“Five,” Diego called, throat tight, “it’s going to—”

Five had just enough time to jump to Klaus and knock him to the ground before the suitcase exploded.

* * *

Five’s ears rung. He could hear the faint scream of sirens, the echo of voices overhead. For just a moment, he thought he heard Dolores, gently urging him to get up, but then the voice deepened and he realised it was just Diego.

“Five, can you hear me? Five!”

Hands gripped his shoulders. Five batted them away blearily. “I’m fine. Get off.”

“Why didn’t you jump out of the alley?” Klaus asked, voice shaky.

Five blinked. Blood dripped into his eyes. He reached up and found his forehead smeared with blood, matting his fringe.

He glanced around the alleyway, and found scorched asphalt and brick. Leathery debris, bits of the suitcase, were scattered around. Klaus, propped on his knees, was staring at Five with big eyes.

Neither he nor Diego looked too hurt. Thank god.

“Five,” Klaus said again.

Five took a moment to remember the question. “What, and leave you here? It’s tempting, but I’m actually trying to keep you alive.”

Five pushed to his feet and straightened his blazer. He hated the way Diego and Klaus were looking at him. Like they were scared for him. Like they saw him. It made him want to blink out of existence.

“I should have known she would rig the suitcase,” Five muttered, wiping fresh blood out of his eyes. “She didn’t even make the blast strong enough to kill us all. What is she up to know…?”

“Shit,” Diego said. “The family barbecue.”

“What?”

“The barbecue at Klaus’s mansion? The one the entire family is supposed to be going to?” Five stared blankly back at Diego. “Dude, we told you about it a bunch of times.”

“If you hadn’t noticed, I’ve got a lot on my plate.”

Klaus peered up at Five. “You have a nasty head-wound, too. Maybe we should get you checked out.”

Five ignored him. “We don’t have time to drop in on a family barbecue. We’ll have to assume they’re safe.”

“Yeah, but…” Diego winced. “I invited Lila.”

Five threw his hands into the air. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“She’s my girlfriend,” Diego said, then paused. “Well. She was before I realised she was secretly, you know...”

“Super evil?” Klaus volunteered. “The daughter of the weird predator that’s been blackmailing Five?”

“Yeah, basically.”

“We have to get to the mansion,” Five said.

“You’re injured,” Diego said.

“We don’t have time for you to baby me. The Handler and Lila are going after our family. She’s going to kill them.”

“He’s got a point,” Klaus said. “Even if he does look like he’s going to puke all over his shoes.”

Diego sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face. “Fine. Fine. You can help us save our family. But please, Five, be careful.”

Five stood. Klaus jerked upright, hovering over his shoulder as if to catch him. Five swatted at him.

“I’m always careful,” Five said, and strode towards the mansion before either of them could argue.

* * *

“Oh, god,” Vanya said. “Why is Five injured?”

They turned. Five was charging unsteadily up the driveway, Klaus and Diego behind him. It looked like he was limping.

“He’s bleeding,” Allison said. “Why is he always bleeding?”

Luther sighed and set down the stack of coolers he had unloaded from Ray’s car. “We can’t have one good day? Just one?”

Sissy glanced around at the siblings. “Should we call for help or something? I don’t really want to call the police...” She exchanged a helpless look with Ray.

Klaus waved when he saw them staring. Five quickened his pace, forcing his brothers to jog after him.

“So the good news is that we’re all okay and not dead,” Klaus began when they were close enough. “Aside from Five, but I feel like he’s always injured, so what’s new?”

“What’s the bad news?” Allison asked warily.

“The Handler is coming to murder us all,” Five said, shoving past them and racing up the steps and disappearing into the mansion.

Allison laughed. It sounded slightly unhinged. “Oh, is that all?”

They ran into the mansion, and found Five in the kitchen, rifling through the cabinets, pulling out knives and cutlery and several guns that should not have been stashed around the household but, inexplicitly, were.

“What the fuck,” Luther said.

“Always be prepared for battle,” Five said. It was something their Father told them as children, when he would ambush them during the day and expect them to be able to defend themselves in their own home. The siblings all made faces.

“Yeah, fuck that,” Klaus said.

“You could have at least told us the guns were there,” Diego grumbled. “We’ve been living here for the past few weeks.”

Five ignored them. He kept pulling out weapons and checking them over, continually peering through the windows, keeping an eye on the horizon.

Sissy cleared her throat. Harlan was pressed to her side, twisting his wooden sparrow in his hands. “Can we get back to the part where someone’s coming to murder us? Who is this exactly?”

“The Handler,” Five said.

Vanya glanced around. “Do I not have all my memories back? I don’t know who that is.”

Luther shrugged back at her. Diego said, “She’s the head of the Commission. She recruited Five and has been blackmailing him into doing her dirty work the whole time we’ve been in the 60s, apparently.”

“Also,” Klaus interjected, “she is, and I cannot stress this enough, super creepy.”

Allison’s eyes went wide. Then they narrowed, settling on Five. “What?”

“Five,” Luther said, voice small.

Five braced his hands on the countertop and glared at them. The effect was ruined by the blood drying down one side of his face. “We’re stranded in the 1960s because of me. We need to get back home. I’m going to get us home, no matter what it takes.”

“How did you get into the 1960s in the first place?” Ray asked. “Can’t you just… go back that way?”

“Did you not hear the part about how we’re ‘stranded fifty years in the past’ because of me?” Five scrubbed a hand through his hair, then quickly smoothed it back down into his neat style.

“The first time I time travelled on my own,” he went on, “I landed in the apocalypse and was stuck there for forty years. Then I got physically regressed to a thirteen year old. And now I’ve landed my family in the middle of the Cold War.”

Ray blinked hard. Sissy patted him on the shoulder. They exchanged commiserating glances. They didn’t know why their lives had become terrible sci-fi adventures, but they were brought here by love; they were both in it for the long haul.

“We need to get Harlan somewhere safe,” Vanya said.

“Stay in the house,” Diego told Sissy and Ray. “We’ll draw them out.”

“Scream if you need help,” Klaus said and laughed as if he was joking, even though they all knew he was not.

Sissy snagged a shotgun from the kitchen counter. She checked it over with practiced efficiency, then pointed the muzzle towards the floor.

“I’ll show you where the basement is,” Klaus said.

“Go with them,” Allison told Ray. She took his hand and pulled him into a kiss, quick but passionate like a goodbye. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Be careful. Please.”

“Come on, hon,” Sissy said, ushering Harlan after Klaus and Ray. “You’re going to be safe with me and Uncle Ray, okay?” To the Hargreeves, she said, “Be safe. All of you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Diego said.

“You too,” Vanya said. “I—I can’t lose you. Either of you.”

Ray and Sissy disappeared deeper into the house, Harlan sheltered between them. They left behind a tense silence.

“I’m sorry,” Five said abruptly. “This whole situation, it shouldn’t…”

“I’m sorry too,” Diego said, glancing around at their siblings. “We’re all sorry for not seeing what was going on with you. For not helping.”

“No. No.” Five squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “We don’t have time for this.”

A faint pop echoed through the house, like a warped version of Five’s jumps. They startled, exchanging wide-eyed looks, before racing towards the front of the mansion.

In the front entry they huddled around a window, curtains drawn back an inch for them to peer through.

There, out on the overgrown grass, was the Handler, buttoned up in a sharp coat, a suitcase in hand. Lila stood tall by her side.

And there, popping up across the lawn in bursts of light, were dozens and dozens of Commission agents.

“Fuck,” Diego hissed.

Five closed his eyes and said in agreement, “Fuck.”

* * *

It wasn’t an easy fight.

Vanya wiped out the crowd of assassins, but then Lila floated into the air and threw out an identical shockwave, shattering the windows and knocking them all back.

They were separated briefly. Lila could teleport, just like Five. She popped up around the grounds, catching them off-guard. Picking them off one-by-one.

At one point, while they were distracted by Lila kicking the living shit out of them, there was a scream from the mansion. Vanya wobbled to her feet and sprinted down to where Ray and Sissy were barricaded in the basement.

The Handler was there.

“I just want the boy,” she said pleasantly, ignoring the shotgun Sissy was pointing at her. Ray was braced in front of Harlan like a wall, unarmed but ready to use his body to shield his nephew-in-law.

“Hey,” Vanya spat, “get away from my kid.”

The Handler turned, a swear on her lip, and Vanya blasted her through the floorboards.

By the time Vanya scrambled over the debris and up the basement stairs, the Handler was gone.

“I need to go after her,” she called down the stairs. “Are you guys going to be okay?”

“We’re fine!” Sissy yelled back, shaky but strong. “Go.”

* * *

Emotional speeches wouldn’t work. Not on someone like Lila, who had been sharpened into a weapon, just like Five. It was easier for Five, though. He had known from the beginning what kind of monster Reginald Hargreeves had been—and he had his siblings. He carried his love for them everywhere. Through the burning American wasteland. Into the Commission, and every kill that followed, even when the Handler tried to strip him bare. His love persisted.

Lila had never had that. She was the beast Five would have become without his siblings. And now she would kill them without remorse.

And then Lila did something Five never expected: she hesitated.

Lila’s knife was pressed against Diego’s chest. “You don’t know me.”

“I know that we can be your family,” Diego said, “if you just let us.”

The mansion’s grounds were wide and green, peppered with flower-beds and thickets of trees. Through the branches, Five saw a flash of red, the same colour as the Handler’s coat, and jumped blindly.

He landed roughly on top of her. She was wielding a machine gun, a bulky weight that she shoved against Five. They stumbled, kicking up grass as they fought for control.

He would have won once. But his body was thirteen years old, and shaky from his head wound, and she managed to throw him off with an elbow to the gut.

He lunged for her ankles, trying to sweep her ankles out from under her, but she raised the gun and shot him through the shoulder. Five screamed and slumped against the grass.

The Handler backed up several paces. She knew one bullet wound wouldn’t stop him, but it would interfere with his jumps. Damnit.

“Try it,” the Handler said to his siblings, “and I’ll shoot him dead.”

“You bitch,” Allison said. By her side, Vanya’s hands were glowing faintly blue.

“Mum,” Lila said.

“Lila.” The Handler sighed, eyeing her daughter with disappointment. “I warned you to be careful around that boy, and look what’s happened? I suppose we had a good run, but—” She hefted her gun from Five to Lila, finger braced on the trigger.

A bat collected solidly with the back of the Handler’s head. She collapsed to the torn-up grass, suitcase and gun spinning into a tree.

Sissy, braced behind her with a raised baseball bat now splattered with blood, panted through her teeth. “That’s for trying to take my baby boy.” She glanced up at the Hargreeves gawking at her. “And for messing with my Vanya and her family.”

“Vanya,” Klaus murmured, “you had better marry that woman or I will.”

Vanya laughed, breathless, and then raced across the field, colliding with Sissy in a hug. The bat clattered to the ground.

“Harlan?” Vanya said into her shoulder.

“Ray’s with him. They’re both mighty shaken, but they’ll be okay.” Sissy shuddered against Vanya, her voice thickening. “I know that bitch deserved it, but I’ve never… I’ve never killed nobody before. Christ. I can’t b-believe...”

Five got to his feet and wobbled over to the Handler. He knelt down, examining her.

The blow wasn’t enough to kill her. Judging from the rapid swelling, it was enough to seriously injure, possibly enough to give her brain damage. But not kill. Not enough to stop her permanently.

“She’s not dead,” Five said.

“What?” Sissy asked wetly.

“You didn’t kill her.”

He plucked a knife lying discarded in the grass. Not the sniper rifle he was used to, but a familiar weight in his hands nonetheless.

“Lila?” he asked.

She breathed out shakily. “If you’re looking for an apology for throwing a fry-pan at you, you aren’t going to get it.”

He glanced back at her. She was splattered with blood, some of it hers, some of it his. There were glass shards in her hair. Grass stains on her ripped jeans. She was holding herself as if braced for a blow.

She reminded him of the Umbrella Academy, circa 2000. Fresh to the superhero-gig, but familiar with the pain of the lifestyle. Groomed to doll out violence.

“She used you,” Five said. She used him too, but Lila wanted to hear that about as much as Five wanted to say it.

“She was my mum,” Lila said, but she was shaking her head, backing away.

Diego reached out to touch her. “Lila.”

Lila lunged for the Handler’s abandoned suitcase and disappeared into the ether. Diego tried to grab her, but his hands closed on empty air.

While everyone was staring at the empty spot Lila disappeared, Five pressed the knife against the Handler’s skin and slit her throat.

He wobbled back to his feet, wiping blood on his shorts. “There,” Five told Sissy. “Now you didn’t kill her. I did.”

Sissy stared back at him, wide-eyed. Shock was setting in. For her, not for him. Today must have been traumatic for a civilian who wasn’t used to such violence.

The world swam around Five. He felt cold, though he hadn’t lost enough blood to feel the effects of blood loss just yet.

Okay. So maybe shock was settling in for him too.

“You’ve been shot,” Sissy said.

“Yup,” said Five, and then collapsed to his knees, breathing hard. The Handler’s sightless eyes stared back at him. She was dead. She was dead, and his family was fine, and he still expected her to laugh and roll onto her stomach, batting her lashes and explaining how she was still one-step ahead of him.

Klaus and Allison dropped to either side of him. Luther hovered above them, ready to scoop up Five as soon as he knew he could try it without getting bitten.

“We need to get you inside,” Allison said. “Luther—”

“I can walk.” Five pushed to his feet, took several lopsided steps, and then stopped, breathing hard. “I can walk,” he said again.

“Okay, buddy. We believe you.” Klaus smoothed Five’s sweaty hair back. “Promise not to try and gouge Luther’s eyes out? You remember you trying to do that when we were kids, and I doubt anyone wants to go through that again.”

“How did he always have such long nails?” Luther said. “It hurt.”

“Five is the only other person in this family that isn’t gross and doesn’t chew his nails,” Allison said.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have clawed you,” Five said, leaning heavily against Luther, “if you didn’t pick me up and throw me around. Just because you have super-strength doesn’t mean you could use it every other day.”

Luther shrugged, stepping closer. “It was fun. There wasn’t much to do in the mansion.”

Sissy laughed shakily, still entangled in Vanya’s arms. They watched as Luther successfully scooped up Five, who thrashed weakly like a cat.

“Welcome to the family,” Vanya said.

Sissy pressed her face into Vanya’s neck. “Glad to be here.”

* * *

They found a windowless bathroom that was untouched near the back of the mansion, and bunkered down there. The adrenaline had faded, but Five’s instincts rebelled against the idea of just sitting in this cramped room with only one exit.

“We’ll check the perimeter,” Diego offered, when Five almost bit Klaus for trying to shove him onto the closed toilet.

Five turned wild eyes on his brother. “Alone?”

“I’ll go with him,” Luther said.

Vanya untangled herself from Sissy. “Me, too. I’ll look after them, Five. Promise.”

Five eyed them. Vanya was still unsteady on her feet, but she was more powerful than any of them.

But if Lila was still out there, if she changed her mind about leaving them alone…

Allison placed a hand on his forearm. “Five,” she said gently. “Trust us. Let us look after you. Please.”

Five breathed in. Held it. And then managed a terse, “Fine.”

Sissy and Ray were in the other room, trying to salvage some food for them to eat. Harlan was with them. He wouldn’t stop clinging to Ray but he was unharmed.

Klaus pulled out a first aid kit from the bathroom cabinets. Five was amazed he even owned one.

They hissed when Five peeled off his blazer and vest, and unbuttoned his shirt.

“You should really go to a hospital,” Allison said.

“No.”

Allison huffed. “So stubborn.”

Five was stiff and quiet as they fished out the bullet and stitched him up. Klaus held his hand, though Five hadn’t asked him to. He startled at the first brush of Klaus’s fingers across his knuckles, but when Klaus slid their hands together, Five didn’t wrench his arm away.

Klaus’s palm was grimy and sweat-soaked and it reminded him of Dolores, holding him steady under an orange sky.

“You could have told us,” Allison said as she was tying off the last of the sutures.

Five didn’t ask what she meant. They all knew. “You would have slowed me down.”

“Five,” Allison said, sounding tired. “You were hurting, and you didn’t even tell us. You don’t have to deal with everything alone.”

Five stared at the pale blue tiles, caked in dirt and drying blood. “You’re my family. This is my job.”

“You’re our family too,” Klaus said.

“You’re not alone anymore, Five,” Allison said softly. “We’re here.”

“We just have to get back to 2019,” Five said, free hand balled into a fist. “Then everything will be okay.”

Allison and Klaus exchanged glances over the top of Five’s head. It wouldn’t be that simple. Trauma never was.

But they would be there to support him through whatever came next. They all wound be. As a family.

* * *

When Allison declared that he wasn’t in danger of passing out from blood loss, Five and Diego waded through the debris scattered over the backyard and wandered deeper into the grounds. The bodies of assassins littered the grass. Five kept his eyes up. He didn’t want to recognise any of them.

Vanya and Klaus were sitting together on the stairs, drinking tea, eyes trailed on Five and Diego’s back. It was as reassuring as Diego’s steady presence beside him.

After talking with Herb and Dot, Five still wanted to vibrate out of his skin. His instincts said it couldn’t be that easy. It never was. Not for Five.

Diego bumped their shoulders together. “You good, man?”

Five blinked blearily. The afternoon sun was beginning to set, painting the grounds a murky pink. “Fine.”

Diego shoved him again, harder this time. “Want me to carry you?”

“Fuck you.”

“Is that a yes? Come here, Five.”

“Stay the hell away from me. Diego. Diego, don’t even think about it!”

Five scrambled and slipped up the uneven, torn-up ground. Diego laughed and ambled after him. He wasn’t putting any effort into chasing Five, but Five knew he would follow through with his promise if he caught up with him.

Five ditched his pride and scurried up the stairs to stand behind Vanya, glowering at Diego over her head. Vanya wordlessly held up her mug. Five took it. The hot chocolate had gone cold, but it was sweet and milky, just how he liked it.

“Is he picking on you, Five?” Vanya asked, biting back a smile.

“Do you want us to defend your honour, dude?” Klaus asked, standing up and stretching. “Come here, Diego. I gotta kick your ass. It’s my responsibility as the oldest brother.”

“Oh, fuck off with that,” Diego said. “No way you're the oldest.”

“I am! I’ve been here since 1960. Plus there was that year I spent in the Vietnam War.”

Five sighed, leaning on Vanya’s shoulder. He wanted to sit down on the stairs, but he knew it would be harder to get back up if he did that. “How many times do I have to tell you idiots: I’m almost sixty.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re a senior citizen,” Klaus said, waving a hand. “But Diego needs to accept that he’s our little brother. Our baby brother. A child.”

Diego lunged for Klaus, who dodged and tumbled down the limestone stairs, yelping. The commotion summoned Ray. He panted in the doorway, bat held aloft, staring at the pile of limbs that was Diego-and-Klaus.

“Um,” Ray said.

“Ignore them,” Vanya said.

Five pushed off Vanya. Night would fall soon. They needed to use the last of the light to find a working suitcase.

Allison, Ray, and Diego could help with the search. Luther could arrange beds or at least blankets for everyone, while Vanya stayed with the Coopers. Klaus and Ben could keep lookout on the steps.

Then they could eat dinner. Bunk down for the night. Make final arrangements to travel back to 2019 as a family. Run final collaborations on the suitcase to make sure it didn’t accidentally spin into the twenty-second century. And then. And then.

And then they’d be okay. They’d be okay. The apocalypse was behind them.

“Five?” Ray asked, dropping his bat. “Are you alright?”

“I’m okay.”

Ray eyed him dubiously. “Are you sure?”

Five breathed in the cool evening air. It tasted like torn-up grass and the sweet tang of relief. He managed a small smile for Ray, who blinked but returned it shakily.

“Yeah,” Five said. “I’m sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: [captainkirkk](http://captainkirkk.tumblr.com/).


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